a balancing act
Feb 23, 2023
every few months,
i am transported.
it’s excruciating,
sapping every last breath.
memories flood my mind,
the texture of her skin,
the timbre of her voice.
every few months,
i call her number.
a desperate attempt
at reconciling fact with feeling.
waiting for the operator’s tone,
void of inflection, to tell me.
so i can feel familiar rage
in the tight clamp of my jaw.
every few months,
i forget what i should know.
every few months,
i remember why i forget.
because if i had to live
with every moment
in high-definition,
i would be immobile.
crazed at the onslaught
of conflicting emotions.
yet every few months,
i am ravaged by grief again.
i allow grief to enter my home.
plunder and pillage to contentment.
to live, i must forget.
but to love, i must remember.